Liz Whatsherface

Musings of a feminist English graduate from Louisiana

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Cosmopolitan Magazine’s Guide to the Apocalypse

Posted on December 18, 2012

Let’s face it – when doomsday rolls around, your first priority is going to be compulsively trying to fix all of your minor imperfections. If you can’t fit into a size 4, it’s going to be hard fleeing from roving gangs of armed looters with your fat ass bouncing everywhere. And how else are you supposed to vie for the smoldering hottie (not the one who’s literally burning to death in hellfire!) – who may very well be the last man on earth? Here are some tricks for surviving the extermination of humanity that’ll guarantee your safety AND sex appeal. “The Second Coming” Heavy breathing (through a gas mask) will definitely be in order when you try this steamy move. Get on all fours,…

Stan the Man

Posted on December 18, 2012

You might be wondering how my physical therapy is going, so I thought I’d start writing about it every now and then. In a nutshell: I’m making progress, and I don’t actually dread PT anymore. It’s actually really interesting, because of the young people who go there, I’m the only one who’s not an athlete, and it’s mostly elderly people with injuries. I don’t really know any of the other patients, but there is one patient whose name I know, and so far, he has probably been one of the most memorable parts of my PT experience.   The patient whose name I know is Stan, he’s at least 75 years old, and the reason I know his name is because I hear it…

Not another blog!

Posted on November 28, 2012

“Help! Another one of my friends has started a blog!” This is probably what you’re thinking right now, assuming you like / dislike me enough to read the stuff I post on Facebook / Twitter. So I’m here to anticipate and answer a few of your questions upfront. Q: Am I obligated to read this blog? A: Probably not. Unless you are my boyfriend, in which case definitely yes.   Q: Are you sure I’m not obligated? Because I feel like you’re just saying that. A: I am totally flattered that you care about me enough to still be reading right now. And if you are, maybe you’ll like the rest of the stuff I post on this blog, and maybe you should read…